


Coming Home

by Jenshih_Blue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Episode: s01e21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1, Episode: s01e22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2, M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-28
Updated: 2012-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-10 22:16:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/471294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenshih_Blue/pseuds/Jenshih_Blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the years I’ve left him, five times I’ve left, but now it ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Home

I told him once that I’d never leave him, but it was a lie--I did. I packed my bags and walked halfway to the Greyhound station, before the familiar rumble that had meant home for so many years reached my ears. He didn’t say anything as he glanced up at me with those eyes of his. He never had to talk, not like me, everything he had to say could be found in his eyes.

Walking around the front of the car, I watched as he leaned across the seat, and popped open the door. It was as if he’d forgiven me in one simple act. I could hear his voice as clear as a bell in my head.  
  
 _It’s okay, man, I get it._

Maybe it wasn’t the brightest thing I’d done, but I believed it was what I wanted. I wanted to forget what was out there lurking in the shadows. Leaving behind all the things that scared me worrying at the edges of my mind meant safety. I couldn’t forget though, no matter how hard I’d tried. Even finding Jess hadn’t washed away the betrayal I felt I had leveled against the only person who ever loved me because of who I was.

***

Nearly four years and when he’d come tumbling back in my life I wanted to be angry and I tried my best to be, but even my best wasn’t good enough. It was as if I’d never left and I tried to convince myself it was nostalgia and not loneliness. I loved Jess, of that I have no doubt. Of course, what we had didn’t even come close to how I felt about him.

Jess was the fantasy.

He was the truth.

***

It was early October when we dealt with that haunted painting in upstate New York. Just a little over a month before we both found and then lost our father in a single breath. I remember how he pushed all my buttons, trying to get me to open up to Sarah, telling me she would be good for me. The one thing he didn’t know was my reluctance wasn’t really about Jess, even if I tried to convince myself it was.

I finally gave in. The kiss in the doorway with Sarah had been perfect--warm and sweet--but in the end, it did nothing except remind me of what was missing. I wanted something so much more. I wanted to recapture what I’d lost when I’d fled to Stanford, the only thing that would ever make me happy.

***

After Dad died, everything changed. He closed off, pushed me away, and I felt as if I was dying inside. It wasn’t easy, but finally I managed to get him to unload the burden he’d been carrying since Dad had died. I ranted, raved, and internally cursed dad for laying that burden on him.

That night when we’d pulled into the motel, I decided there was no better time than the present. He needed to know the truth. I remember that night not in detail, but in snapshots.

Afterward, as he lay sleeping next to me, all fucked out and skin flushed, I left him for the second time. Packing my belongings and hotwiring a car in the lot, I took off in search of answers. I left a simple note, pinned to my pillow. Honestly, I don’t know if he ever read it or if he even saw it.

I never asked.

***

The third time I left him was in Texas.

I didn’t leave of my own free will. That bitch Meg or rather the demon who had inhabited Meg, helped herself to my body. I fought hard, but her desperation and desire for revenge was stronger than I was.

When I finally woke, sprawled in Bobby’s floor, he’d punched me. Couldn’t really blame him, not after everything I’d put him through over the prior two weeks. He’d watched me walk away twice already. Even though we both understood possession was involved this time, what had left the door open to the demon was my own stupidity. I should have known better, after all I was a hunter.

***

We were in South Dakota the fourth time that I left him. Again, it wasn’t my choice, but when someone leaves, so many times it doesn’t really matter. I had no idea how I’d gotten to Cold Oak. Hell, I didn’t even know it was Cold Oak until I saw the bell hanging there.

There were others there like me. The kids the demon had sought out and suddenly I was hit by the thought of him--my brother--the one person I could always trust.

What had happened? Was he dead? Or was he going crazy trying to track me?

I knew two of the kids, Andy and Ava. The other two I didn’t; Jake and Lily.

Lily was the first to die. She was strung up from the windmill in the center of the abandoned town, swaying body a warning to the rest of us. We weren’t allowed to leave. I tried to keep the others calm, make them believe everything would be fine as long as we stuck together. Andy offered to contact my brother even though he wasn’t sure his power would reach long distance.

Andy was the second to die. Gutted by a demon and looking down at his lifeless body it dawned on me. The Ava I’d known five months before wasn’t the same as the one I was staring at now. Something had gone wrong with her. At first, she tried denial, but then she admitted what she could do, that she had been killing all the kids the demon had sent to this godforsaken place. She would have killed me to if it hadn’t been for Jake. He snapped her neck with an ease that should have warned me, but I was just grateful for his timing.

***

I’d tried to convince Jake, but there was no way he was going to give in. The demon had manipulated him far too easily, but then he was a soldier. He was used to taking orders and I could imagine what that yellow-eyed bastard had said.

It was down to the two of us and the fight was brutal. I knew I had cracked ribs, not to mention a dislocated and possibly broken shoulder. I should have killed him, but after Madison--well I couldn’t. Jake wasn’t evil, he was scared, and he like any soldier would tell you it was a matter of survival.

***

The fifth and final time I left him was seconds after I heard his voice echoing through the misty woods at the edge of Cold Oak.

Relief had swelled in the pit of my stomach at the sound of his familiar voice. I turned away, my first mistake and headed through the thick mud towards his voice, and when I saw him, Bobby at his side, break through the tree line I nearly cried with relief. He was okay; he was whole, and unharmed. I stumbled towards them a smile breaking across my face as he started running towards me.

A split second later a look of horror flickered through his eyes and he was screaming my name, telling me to watch out.

***

The pain was sharp as Jake shoved the blade in my back, sound of tearing skin and muscle filled my ears, and I knew I was leaving him again. As the blade slid from my flesh, some part of me denied the pain, my body crumpling forward on its knees. There would be no good-byes as the air escaped from my lungs in a ragged gasp, heart slowing as blood poured out into my body.

I felt his arms wrap around me, heard his voice as if through a fog, and I felt myself slipping away as his hand pressed against the wound in my back. I couldn’t hear the words anymore, but the desperation was so clear it made my soul ache. We’d found each other again and it hurt so deeply to hear his pain even if the words were unclear.

Did this mean Jake was the one? The one the demon had claimed I was--his favored child?

As I drifted up and away, I opened my eyes, looking down I saw him clinging to my lifeless body, saw the tears shine in his eyes, and then everything started to fade around the edges.   
  
 _No, I can’t leave him. I can’t._

That’s when I heard her voice.  
  
 _Mom?_

_Sam_ _…my baby boy. I’m sorry…so sorry._

_For what? Because you know him? You know the monster?_

_Yes, and so much more._

_Am I a demon?_

_No, never, I should have told your father the truth, but I couldn’t._

_What truth?_

_You’ll know in time, my love. For now though, remember what she said to you._

_Who?_

_Ava_ _. She understood the truth, but she chose the wrong side._

_Mom, I don’t understand._

_He needs you, Sam._

_Dean_ _?_

_Yes, I thought it was Dean. I never dreamed I would have two sons. You’re father blessed me with two when I should have only had one. That’s why I gave him the amulet._

_I don’t understand, mom._

_Just open yourself up, baby. Let it free. You have nothing to fear._

_What am I, mom? If I’m not a demon what am I?_

_You have a destiny, my love, one written long ago. He wanted you for himself, but you have a choice, just as they all did. Chose what is right. Follow your heart and free yourself from the shackles.  
  
_ Closing my eyes I reached deep down inside, touched that part of myself I had when I’d seen a vision of Max Miller killing my brother. It was a spark at first, tiny flame that burned brighter as I reached out, my long ethereal fingers curling around it. It was warmth, it was purity, and the scent of flowers surrounded me. The warmth curled around my arms, traveling upward, and engulfing me.  
  
 _Mom?  
  
That’s it, Sam, take it…accept it and who you were meant to be. Don’t fear it, baby boy. You are the next step in man’s evolution. The battle must begin before it ends._

I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I knew deep in my soul the voice was my mother’s voice. I had no clear memories of her before she died, yet as I opened myself up to that beautiful flame an image flickered through my mind. _  
  
My mother looking down at me with bright eyes, my tiny fist wrapped in her golden hair, and she was smiling. Her voice was gentle as she sang. I didn’t understand the words, but they were filled with love. Of that, I had no doubt._

***

I opened my eyes gasping for air and a musty scent filled my nose. I had no idea where I was or how I’d come to be here. Slowly I sat up and felt the tug of my clothing as it pulled away from the sagging mattress. Looking down I saw the black stain of blood on the worn material.

My blood.

Reaching back, I touched the stiff material and for a moment, terror filled my gut, twisting like a venomous serpent. It was drying though, crusty with age. I lifted my gaze from the mattress and looked around the room. A cabin, layers of dust on everything except the lone table and chair that sat mere feet from the rickety bed. On one end was a collection of liquor bottles, most of them empty. I could smell his scent even over the dust and the liquor.

A smile curled my lips as I stood on wobbly legs. I could still feel the tickle of that beautiful flame over my skin and suddenly everything became clear. I’d let my anger at my father blind me to the truth. We--Dean and I--had been born to this life, not because of our father, but because of our mother. She’d known the demon would come for her son. She’d thought it was Dean though, not me, that’s what she’d told me, that’s why he wore the amulet.

Closing my eyes, I thought of Dean, remembering what Andy had been able to do. What I did though was a reversal, not sending an image but rather receiving one. I sent out a quick thank you to Andy wherever his soul might be. He’d deserved better than a violent death in the middle of nowhere, he‘d been a good man. Slowly an image formed in my mind becoming clearer as I focused harder.

A cemetery.

An iron gate.

A mausoleum, a strange design engraved in its door.

That was it, I thought, that was where it was going to begin.

Opening my eyes, my smile growing wider I headed for the door.

I’m coming back to you, Dean. I won’t ever leave you again.

~Finis~


End file.
